Unlike the majority of children, Marie had her childhood cut abruptly short.  Prior to the death of her grandparents, the inconsistent nature of Marie’s mother’s presence had forced Marie to shoulder the responsibilities of raising her younger siblings at the age of nine. Ill-equipped, confused and not given the chance to gather a semblance of emotional calm, Marie was forced to put aside her childhood, whilst her mother engaged in numerous extra-marital affairs.

From attending parent-teacher meetings for siblings to managing the domestic affairs of the house, Marie was forced to grow up very quickly. As she entered her teenage years, unresolved grief and anger began to coalesce within, which led to her straying onto the path of truancy. All this resulted in Marie becoming the focal point for a tirade of anger, guilt and frustration. Soon, her desire to escape began to affect her siblings, who in turn blamed her since there was no one else around.  All of this and much more resulted in Marie running away from home for nine months at the age of 17.

After being tracked down by her family and eventually brought back and re-enrolled in school, Marie began to slowly come to terms with deep-set emotional issues that she had not had the chance to resolve. Although she was still in charge of the welfare of her siblings, her mother began to make attempts to enter their lives and gradually take on responsibility.

The common concern for her siblings signaled that the fragile nature of her family was not beyond salvation. Marie plainly stated, “I had no intention of forgiving my mother after running away. I needed to decide what was important in my life.  I could continue on a path of self-destruction, harming my family, or realize whilst my situation wasn’t ideal, it was at least something that was always there for me.”  Marie focused on raising her brother and sister effectively.  She gained a lot of perspective by seeing the good that she was able to effect in their lives.

“Over a period of around three or four years, my anger slowly receded into the background until I realized that I didn’t need it to define me. I had had something better, more valuable and positive in front of me the whole time – my siblings. In the end, things between my mother and I just became less hostile and aggressive. Sometimes you have to grit your teeth and take it on the chin. Hopefully, when you come out the other side, you’ll still have what’s important with you. If you’re lucky that is, which I consider myself to be.”

When asked what advice she would give to people trying to control their anger, she responded, “Try and think about what’s important in your life. I knew my anger was destroying my life but [at the time] I didn’t care because I didn’t stop to think what I could be losing. Just try and remind yourself of what you could lose. A lot.”

By forgiving her mother, Marie says she no longer suffers from bouts of depression, guilt and anger, and is now a passionate, dedicated and caring early childhood educator, which is something she assures me would never have been possible before, and is something that she wouldn’t trade for anything.