Having a child with special needs is challenging, and I would like to share with you an account of a very brave woman, Nicola Clark, with a recent experience she has had with her son Thomas. 

I include this in my blog, because sometimes, mothers of children with special needs can feel so alone and lost, but there are so many others who are going through something similar, and others that can offer support and love when it is needed.  Thank you Nicky for allowing me to repost your letter, as I hope we can all open our eyes to what you go through every day.

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Dearest family and friends

I am sharing with you all, my experience from last night. It is an experience that has shaken me to the core of my being and left me feeling very tender and exposed with a knowing of how I have been relating with life or not, as the case maybe. It has humbled me and yet again reminded me how precious every moment of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year is.

The woman who is confident, strong, joyful and passionate about life, knows what she wants, can be at times calculating and controlling was brought to her knees as Thomas was having a seizure and not breathing. I have witnessed Thomas having many seizures but this was the first time I witnessed him not breathing. What could I do? I was totally helpless. I kept trying to get him to breathe by talking to him verbally, telepathically and by gentling touching him. I was not able to do a thing. It was up to him. It was Thomas’ choice when he would allow himself to breathe again. And he did!

His two helpers were there and supported him in the way they knew…just by being calm and making him as comfortable as he could be laying on the path at the football club.

What was apparently 45 seconds seemed like minutes.

After a few minutes, Thomas, with support, was able to walk to the table for dinner. The seizure had wiped him out.

It wasn’t until later that night and indeed this morning, that I was able to start allowing the emotions to move through me…sadness, terror, grief, helplessness to name a few.

I guess my reason for sharing this is to allow you into my world…it’s a world that isn’t easy at times. Generally, I will not share these experiences, as I brush over them and process them myself. I just want to share the great times, the joyful times. I guess I just want to say it is so very hard at times.

So why now? I honestly do not know. It is time.

I have no agenda here. I don’t need you to do anything other than read this. 

With love and surrender