On a recent confrontational phone call, I used the principles of communication and a whole lot of love in my heart to resolve the issues that arose between me and a friend of mine.  While the other party wasn’t particularly hostile, I could see that she was hurt and angry, thinking that I had done something wrong, when in fact, I had no idea that I was doing anything to hurt or harm her.  In my mind, I was helping out another friend and didn’t even fathom that my actions would hurt someone else. 

I was accused of not practicing ahimsa (non-violence) and the conversation implied that I was being underhanded and sneaky.  Of course I was taken completely aback, as I had no idea that my friend had been feeling this way for over a year.  I expressed that this person should have told me this from the outset, instead of harboring her feelings for such a long time.

There is a practice in yoga called, Tapasya, which means accepting pain and not causing it in return.  When I was listening to my friend, I could understand her hurt, and she practiced complete honesty to how she was feeling.  Now here and there, my judging mind thought the whole thing was a little small-minded and petty, but I acknowledged that no matter what my perception was, my friend was clearly hurt by something I did, so I dismissed my attitude and spoke truthfully (without any tone of irritation). Another effective practice in dealing with conflict or confrontation is the way we speak.  Sri Swami Satchidananda said that speech should be, “tranquil, truthful, pleasant, and beneficial.”  I tried to apply all of these during our conversation.

I feel we resolved the issue as best as possible, but of course haven’t heard anything from her since. I have learned a few things from the whole experience:

1. -Something that I thought was a good thing, was clearly an evil deed in the eyes of someone else. 
   

2. -No action can be labelled good or bad, but perceptions and attitudes create these labels. 
   

3. -While I feel we will never see eye to eye on the issue, at least we are both in truth and accept each other with no hatred or animosity, especially on my side. 
   

Yoga has helped and as a result, it’s made me more aware and also more peaceful.